Seeking Answers

We headed into today wanting answers….answers from Artur…answers as to why he rejected us before he met us? Answers as to why he so quickly accepted us the next day, as if the previous day did not occur? Answers as to what he is looking for in a family? At least I wanted answers.

But I was then reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6 which a friend emailed to us yesterday, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” “But I want understanding, Lord!” is my response. But that is not what He tells us. He says, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

I’ve told several friends and family that I was going to ask Artur today several bold, pointed questions. At the same time, I’ve been striving to put myself in his shoes. But how can I? I was not abandoned at age 4. I have no clue what it is like to have absolutely no family in my life. I have not had to survive on my own and fend for myself.

My best effort at a comparison is imagining myself walking into a room at age 13, greeted by my new principal (new orphanage director), a government worker that’s a complete stranger (local official), and two adults from another country (Helen and me). Now I was a fairly confident 13 year old, but I think for any 13 year old that this is not an ideal situation. He did not want to come to the meeting in the first place and wanted to exit the room asap. So would I, I believe.

A close friend of ours commented on our last blog post with some great insight. She is not only a friend. She and her husband work daily with youth in our church neighborhood. She said, “Clearly God is working in Artur's heart! I couldn't help but think after reading both Friday & Saturday's blog that he sounds a bit like a typical teenager, too. Aloof at first, not wanting to give in to something that's not his idea, but after sleeping on it, being a bit more open.”

We had dinner with some new friends last night and discussed our situation in depth. We were all psychoanalyzing why Artur would adamantly say no one day then completely change his demeanor the next. After listening to our conversation and participating some, she said, “Can we not just accept that the Lord answered our prayers to soften Artur’s heart?” Wow. Check please? Well said, my new friend.

We spoke with a close friend who has adopted and he offered wonderful insight. He said Artur’s decision to say “no” initially was based on no substance. After yesterday and today, he now has substance…something to base his decision on.

And today Artur said “yes” to us. We are overjoyed. We did get our questions in and even got some answers. He said he was shy and that was why he initially said “no.” Is him being “shy” a sufficient answer for us (particularly me)? Maybe….maybe not. But again, am I putting him on the witness stand, demanding a more specific, believable explanation, or am I going to give him the benefit of the doubt and extend our love to him which was why we came? We are choosing the latter as that is where God is giving us peace.

We talked more about America, education, learning English, and many more things. He even had questions for us, like how would we help educate him? Will he be able to play video games? (of which the answer was “maybe” but in very, very limited spurts…although we don’t have a play station and don’t plan to buy one. We like getting outside, playing together, and entertaining ourselves. He understood and was fine with that answer).

He loves sports but his favorite is basketball. Get ready to coach again, Big Jim! They have a basketball court at his new orphanage but they don’t let them play with the basketball for various reasons. So, that makes it difficult to play to say the least. He also said that he would be studying the English language more now and will do his best to learn quickly. We are amazed at how much English he already knows.

I told you how the last 30 minutes of our time was spent. The other 1 ½ hours together began with the game of Jenga, then building race tracks, then a rematch of ping pong. He was determined to beat me…which he did (maybe with a little help).

I rested for a little while on the couch and just observed Artur playing with Taylor, Molly, and Helen. These were sweet moments I’ll tell you. Taylor was just in “hog heaven” playing with Artur and following him all around the room. Artur again escorted us to the bathroom. He grabbed Taylor’s hand by his own initiative and led us down the hall. I just stayed back and joyfully watch them run together.

Another sweet moment was when Taylor went to Artur and asked, “Artur, will you go home with us?” Artur immediately said, “Dah” which is “yes” in Russian. Taylor then turned to us and grinned with all his might. We did have an emotional breakdown event with Taylor when we told him that Artur could not leave with us right now. We told him we had to do more paperwork but that we would be back tomorrow. His response with weepy eyes, “Well can I just stay here with Artur at his house?” These are precious moments. Artur knew exactly what Taylor was saying…and he smiled.

Artur again escorted us out of the orphanage all the way to the cab. He stayed until the cab door was closed. It’s interesting to observe Artur already sensing a need to protect Taylor and Molly. I’ve heard of this protective role that older orphans take when adopted into families. They have been raised to protect themselves and those close to them. Our facilitator said that yesterday he referred to us as “My Americans.” That’s a phrase often used by the orphans when they are being adopted.

Is Artur our son yet? No, he’s not. And nothing will be certain until we land back in the U.S. More paperwork still has to be done, and our stint here in Odessa, Ukraine has just begun. Could Artur change his mind again? I suppose he could. But we don’t believe he will.

When we began this adoption process, we were told to only be certain of one thing – obstacles. We have had a few obstacles along the way, but not near the number that many families had and are still having. The reality that we are here in Ukraine with Artur only 8 months after feeling the call to adopt him is truly a miracle and an amazing blessing.

We are going to continue to take one day at a time here and get to know each other better. Tomorrow will involve a game of basketball. I told him that he better have his game face on. He seemed excited.

Artur and all orphans need a family. It seems Artur now desires one. Praise God.

Much love from Ukraine,

The Marshalls