Looking Ahead

We had another great week with Artur. We visit him in the afternoons during the week as he is in school until 2 pm. We’ve had the blessing of riding to the orphanage with our new friends who are adopting a child from the same orphanage. They have a local friend who gives us a ride....and he speaks English. He educates us along the way about many aspects of Ukraine (government, taxes, economics, why Ukrainians don’t dance in public, etc.). We always anticipate these rides, including Taylor as he can ask his 101 questions each day. Our new friend loves Taylor’s questions.

The weather has certainly gotten cold now. All of the cold weather gear we packed is paying off. The cold has limited our time outside with Artur although we did still play a few games of basketball and Zombie. My toes just thawed over the weekend.

We played some new games in the playroom: Yahtzee, Trouble, and Go Fish. Artur can get quite focused playing these games. His competitive spirit shows more and more each day. The young man likes to win! But when he senses defeat, he prefers to leave and retreat. His facial expressions easily show his disappointment.

Helen and I find ourselves in interesting roles right now. We are technically not his parents, but in a strange way, we feel like we already are. We find ourselves saying, “No Artur, you can’t rub the camera battery on your pants leg to extend the battery life. No Artur, you can’t quit the game just because you are losing. No Artur, I can’t wrestle for 5 more minutes in spite of your pleading.”

On a positive note, we also find ourselves saying, “Good shot, Artur! Look at Artur and Taylor wrestle. Aren’t they precious! Artur, we are so impressed by how much English you know! Where did you learn English? Artur, we love you.” (He just smiles).

I’ve found myself looking ahead in regards to parenting back in the U.S. We know the “rules of home” will be quite the challenge for Artur as he has never had a true home or a family. Things that kids learn at a very young age he will be learning as a young man. We know this will be difficult for Artur and us. But there is an interesting excitement in me when thinking about this. The excitement (and peace) can only come from God, because in and of myself, I should be freaking out.

Lately, I have been reflecting on our adoption journey. Specifically, I’ve been reflecting on a moment a couple of months ago when I pleaded with God to not let this decision to adopt Artur harm our family. I remember saying, “God, surely You would not call us to something that would harm our family or split our family apart! Surely you wouldn’t, God!”

I wrestled with these thoughts and emotions for several days. I shared this with a close friend from church whom I admire and respect. His response was timely and true. Paraphrasing, he said, “Scott, I don’t know what lies ahead for you and your family. But I can tell you this – There is no safer place than to be in the Lord’s will.” Now “safe” can be viewed in many different ways. But as a believer in Christ, Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.” This has been our prayer from day one. “Lord, not our will be done, but Your will be done.”

A close friend who has walked before us in adoption said some profound words to Helen and me two nights after Artur said “no” to adoption and then said, “I’m thinking about it.” He reminded us of the story of the gospel. He said (paraphrased), “Scott and Helen, if this earth is our final home and destination (i.e. the gospel is not true), then get the heck out of Ukraine! Because I assure you that challenges are lying ahead. But, if the gospel is true…and if this earth is not our final destination, then it’s worth risking everything to pursue what you believe God has called you to.”

I found another email along these lines that was an encouragement to us early in the adoption process:

“I think it’s good to remember that it is a crazy thing that you’re planning to do. The question, though, is according to what frame of reference it is crazy. . . and you really only have two possible frames. If you’ve got one life to live and earth is your home, then you have to work really hard not to wreck the short years of happiness we have here. According to this model, children (biological and adopted) are an accessory to our happiness. We have children to make us happy, and if our children are happy, then that makes us happy. So we have to be very careful not to risk disrupting our own or our children’s happiness.

On the other hand, if our frame of reference is the gospel, then this earth is not our home and we have more than this life to live. By this reference, our happiness is an accessory of our calling, not the other way around. Children (biological and adopted) are a blessed stewardship and whether or not they make us happy is irrelevant.

According to the gospel’s frame of reference, adopting an older child is NOT crazy. In fact, it sounds rather tame when you square it with the callings throughout the gospel to lay down your life, take up your cross and such. After all, having a 12-year-old boy in your home is pretty mild next to dying on a cross, getting eaten by wild animals, being sawn in two, and other “crazy” things that the bible tells us are completely sane when done for the Lord.”

Wow.

So as we move one day closer to Artur officially being our son and in our family, we must remember the journey and calling that brought us here. How many times did God tell the Israelite leaders to tell His people about where he brought them from? Hundreds? Thousands of times? The Israelites needed to be reminded of the slavery in Egypt from which they were rescued.

But what happened when times got tough? That’s right, “We want to go back to Egypt! It wasn’t that bad! At least we had food!” Oh, how quickly we forget in times of darkness.

A sweet family member wrote us daily Scriptures and quotes for our time here in Ukraine. Yesterday’s quote was very appropriate: “Don’t doubt in the darkness what you saw in the light.” –Henrietta Miers.

Our court date is set for this Thursday (Thanksgiving Day). Please pray with us that the court documents will be ready before then. If we do have court and all goes well, Artur will officially and legally be our son 10 days after court (wait/appeal period).

God bless and we long to see y’all soon.