The Adoption Story


We have for a while now said that we were going to write how God led us to adoption. Our lives are not getting any slower, so there’s no time like the present. Helen and I have talked often about adoption throughout our marriage, but until this year, we never felt nudged to pursue any avenues for adoption. Helen and I are blessed with two wonderful children: Taylor and Molly. Taylor is 3 and Molly is 18 months old. You hear parents say, “Enjoy every stage!” We are trying to soak up every moment and are having a blast.

I guess the simplest way to begin is that we both felt like our family was not complete yet, but God had not given us the desire for more biological children at the time. We started seeking the Lord specifically about adoption and praying for him to open and close doors for us. A good friend of mine uses the phrase, “Paddle the boat and pray for wind.” I use this phrase often in life, as God is ultimately in control (the wind) but he does call us to be diligent and seek Him (paddling/human effort).

Soon after we started seeking the Lord about adoption, Helen attended a meeting about orphans in Ukraine. She learned about the state of orphans in Ukraine and the hopeless situations they are in, especially once they age out of the orphanage which is generally 16 years old. She was asked to pray specifically that these children would be adopted by Christian families. Helen came back from that meeting with prayer cards for three boys.

As Helen told me about the meeting, I was interested but not particularly “moved” at this point. I was certainly saddened to hear about these kids but I did not feel like this is where God might call us to adopt. I did commit to pray for these boys with Helen, though.

The morning after the meeting Taylor quickly observed the prayer cards for these three boys. And that’s when the questions started: “Mama, who are these boys? Where do they live? They don’t have Mama’s and Daddy’s? Why? That’s not good, Mama. All kids need Mama’s and Daddy’s.” As Helen told Taylor more about these kids, his wheels continued to turn in his head. He just could not figure out why there were kids who did not have parents.

When Helen and I talked later that day, she told me about their conversation and how Taylor “got it.” You see, Taylor did not really need a lot of explanation. This is where the “childlike faith” that Jesus spoke of comes into play. Once he learned about these kids, he realized that their situation was not good and we needed to do something about it. There’s more about how God spoke through Taylor later.

Later in the week, I attended a dinner at a family’s home to learn more about adoption. This family adopted a boy from Ukraine, and many other families who had adopted from Ukraine would be there. I had just gotten back from our church’s men’s retreat, so to say I was worn out was an understatement. But, Helen and I both felt strongly that one of us should go to the dinner. Being that Helen had already attended a meeting, we decided that I should go.

We were starting to venture in places we had not been before. But again, we strived to follow God’s leading. I arrived not knowing what to expect. I met several families who had adopted from Ukraine and other families who were interested in adoption. I spent most of my time talking one-on-one with a 16 year old boy who was adopted from Ukraine 2 years ago. Our conversation was fascinating to me. I felt comfortable asking him personal questions that he did not hesitate to answer. He explained the challenges of coming into a home with rules, discipline, and boundaries. In the orphanage, they have tremendous independence way before they should. So, I started to realize what an adjustment family is for orphans. But, I also saw the good that had already come from him being in a loving, Christian family. I left that night very glad that I went (and also pretty convinced that we were not being called to adopt a 16 year old).
One of the three boys we had been praying for was a 12 year old boy named Artour. Now begins more conversations, events, and circumstances that confirmed our calling to adopt Artour. In Dallas Willard’s book Hearing God, he speaks of the “three lights” as to how God speaks: 1) His Word 2) Promptings from the Holy Spirit and 3) Circumstances. Let’s just say these “lights” kept lining up for us to adopt Artour. I’ll try to connect the dots here.

A few days later I had a new client come into my office. As she walked back to my office, she said, “Sorry I’m late, Scott. I was waiting to get some papers from my insurance agent. He is in Ukraine working in the orphanages right now so I had to coordinate a meeting with his assistant to get these papers.” My response, “I’m sorry, Miss Client, did you just say something about orphanages in Ukraine?” Before we talked business, we talked adoption and Ukraine for around 45 minutes. Turns out my client had pursued adoption of a girl in Ukraine some years back. Due to a change in Ukrainian law during the process, my client was not able to adopt this girl. However, a young couple who knew my client ended up adopting this girl. That adoption story is an amazing testament to God’s providence but I’ll continue on.

One book we read was Orphanology by Merida and Morton. This book references many Scriptures that speak to God’s heart for orphans, widows, and sojourners (foreigners). One Scripture referenced was Deuteronomy 24:17-22. Soon after I studied this passage of Scripture, I attended the Men’s Rally and 1st Presbyterian Church in Jackson, MS on January 27, 2012. My good friend and fellow member from Redeemer Church Elbert McGowan, Jr. spoke and did a wonderful job. He referenced this same passage of Scripture in Deuteronomy as a call to Biblical manhood – caring for the widows, orphans, and sojourners. The Word of God kept showing up in our lives and speaking to us.

In Orphanology they also speak of great men and women who cared of orphans and spread awareness of the need. One such person was George Muller from England. Muller cared for over 10,000 orphans through his lifetime. Muller’s story is quite incredible and worth researching. Soon after I read about Muller, our Pastor Mike Campbell referenced Muller during his sermon. The wheels kept turning…

Helen and I continued to seek the Lord through Scripture to discern if God was calling us to adoption. We also completed a 7 disc educational DVD series by “Hope for Orphans” which was wonderful. This series is not designed to sell you to adopt. If anything, this series discourages you from adoption if you do not feel called by God to adopt. Adopting due only to an emotional response is dangerous for the child and your family. Certainly hearing about children in need should evoke emotion, but that does not necessarily mean that you are called to adopt. We are very glad we went through this series as it made us dig further into this decision.

Probably one of the most recited Scriptures relating to orphans is James 1:27: “ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” Our Pastor preached on James since we’ve been in Jackson, so I searched through my old journal to see if I had any notes from the sermon. We were out of town the Sunday he preached on this passage, but I “happened” to come across a journal entry from 12-13-2006. I was confessing to God that I was not expecting Him to show up throughout the day. I then referenced a lady who spoke at devotion time where I used to work. She told of how God led her family to adopt two teenage boys from Africa. Her message was, “But God…”

I mentioned earlier that the Lord has spoken through Taylor in numerous ways. I was putting Taylor to bed on February 10, 2012. I asked him, “Taylor, do you know what it means to adopt?” He said, “That means we would keep those kids that don’t have Mommy’s and Daddy’s.” I say it again: He gets it. We talked for about 30 minutes that night about adoption and orphans. He talked about sharing his toys and sharing his room. I asked, “Taylor, do you think God is telling us to adopt?” He quickly replied, “Yeah, he’s telling us to adopt two of them because there are two pillows over there on the bed.” “Oh my,” I said. I then prayed, “Lord, give us wisdom. Give us discernment. Let us step out in faith. Give us confidence in You and Your sovereign plan. Let your plan be known to us. Humble us. Mold us. Speak to us as you are graciously doing.”

February 26, 2012 – As Helen and I were getting dressed, we were reciting verses in the book of James that we were trying to memorize. Helen challenged a group of men and women to memorize the book of James. We were memorizing James 1:5-6 that week: “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” Little did I know that these verses would apply later that morning.

The worship service was pleasant and challenging as usual. Pastor Mike preached on Joshua 5:13-15. During the service, there were no references to adoption or orphans. In fact, adoption and Artour had not even crossed my mind that morning. Until….

The closing song was sung by the Redeemer Ensemble. The song title was “The Battle is the Lord’s.” The song was beautiful and had a great message. During the last verse of the song, something overcame me like never before. My body began to slightly tremble as these words seemed whispered to me, “Go, Scott. Go get Artour. This is not your battle. It’s My battle.” I then turned to Helen and told her I was ready to get Artour when she was but I was not rushing her. I then bolted to the restroom to try to get a hold of my emotions. I would not describe myself as an emotional guy, and my closest friends would not either. However this morning I was a total wreck after this.

Once I gathered myself, I went to the Sunday School class that I had been attending titled “Reading the Word of God.” We had been reading and studying 2 Peter up until this Sunday. No offense to the teachers, but I was going to use this time to journal about what just happened. I am looking at my journal now. I wrote, “Lord, I believe you are telling us it’s time to go get Artour. As I am writing this, I am doubting myself…” It sure did not take long for doubt to creep in! Then the verses in James came to me: “For he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind…” I then prayed, “Lord, help me overcome my unbelief!”

Soon after I wrote and prayed, I was tuned into the Sunday School lesson. I honestly had not even paid attention to what we were studying, but that instantly changed. We were studying the book of Jonah. God told Jonah to go to Nineveh. Jonah chose otherwise. God got Jonah’s attention. Jonah chose wisely the next time. There I sat in disbelief that this passage of God’s Word was before me: “Go!” The teacher closed with these words: “What God gave Jonah was a hard assignment, but God…”

The Lord has spoken to me in life through His Word, the Holy Spirit, and circumstances, but I have never heard what I would describe as the audible voice of God. Now some might say these “words from God” were just thoughts in my head and that’s okay. But I’m here to tell you that since that experience, I have had divine peace to pursue adopting Artour. I really have not looked back. The Lord has called us to this and the battle is His.

I hope as you read this story that you are drawn to God, not us. Psalm 115:1 says, “Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!” This is a story about God’s redeeming love and adoption of us as believers in Him. Ephesians 1:5-6 says, “In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”

I’ll finish with a passage out of Russell Moore’s book Adopted for Life:

"Not every believer will stand praying outside an abortion clinic. Not every believer will take a pregnant teenager into his or her guest bedroom. Not every believer is called to adopt children. But every believer is called to recognize Jesus in the face of his little brothers and sisters when he decides to show up in their lives, even if it interrupts everything else."

Thank you, Lord.

follow up thougths from Helen

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." James 1:5-6.

I have been on a deep sea fishing boat years ago. I do remember getting a little bit sea sick but nothing terrible. But now along this adoption journey, I can really relate to this scripture in James. Scott and I felt lead to adopt through so many circumstances and scriptures and prayers, and then I doubted. Scott remained steady, but I felt totally undone.

At the beginning of this process when we were considering adopting an older child, praying for wisdom became our focal prayer. These older children in Ukraine were clearly laid in our path, God gave eyes to notice, and we were moved to do something by the grace of God. And once we began to face opposition, oh I doubted. And I felt my heart and stomach churning like a tumbling wave. I was a seasick, helpless, desperate, beckoning, unstable wave and I needed God to give me peace and confidence in His plans for our family. Not only was I asking myself questions, but others were asking too. Is this really God calling us to this or is it my imagination? Is this crazy, foolish, too difficult, not smart? What about Taylor and Molly? Is this what is best for Artour? How will I teach him English and get him caught up in school? How will this change our social network? Who do we know with 13 year olds? What time would he go to bed? and on and on questions toiling in my head.

After a while, some of these questions were answered, but God gave me the reassurance I needed so badly. He didn't inscribe Artour's name on my forehead, so that then I could be sure, but God eased my anxiety and doubt through specific passages in his Bible and through music. I'm not going to list them all nor all the words, but here are some that have impacted us.

"God is Able" God is able, my God is able - God is able, yes God is able. Able, my god is able - God is able, yes God is able.

Psalm 127 - Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.... It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Psalm 68:5 "Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation."

Deuteronomy 10:18 "For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing."

Isaiah 55 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. 'For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."

Psalm 142 With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him, I tell him my trouble before him. When my spirit faints within me, You know my way!

"Give Me Your Eyes" - Brandon Heath All those people going somewhere Why have I never cared? Give me Your eyes for just one second Give me Your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me Your love for humanity Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten Give me Your eyes so I can see

Luke 7:13 "And when the Lord saw her(widow of Nain), he had compassion on her and said to her, 'Do not weep.'" Jesus saw, had compassion, and acted. This sequence is seen repeatedly in Jesus.

"The Battle Is The Lord's" There's no pain Jesus can't feel No hurt He cannot heal All things work according to His perfect will No matter what you're going through, remember God is using you For the battle is not yours, it's the Lord's.

God cares for orphans, both literal and spiritual. He cares for the literal orphan, a child without parents, without someone to give them a highfive, without hope. And for the spiritual orphan, a person without God the Father. If we trust in Jesus, we are considered God's sons and daughters. Praise be to His great name.