Parenting

We apologize for the lack of recent updates. Our last post was certainly not an end this journey. We are only beginning. Our schedule has been filled with visits to the orphanage, paperwork, travel arrangements, and even a circus. Helen will post pictures soon.


I should clarify that we do not have Artur with us yet. By law, there is a 10 day wait/appeal period after court before Artur can officially be with us. Our projected date to have Artur is next Monday the 11th or Tuesday the 12th. We’ll have more paperwork to do with Artur here in Odessa, and then we’ll head to Kiev to complete the process at the US Embassy.

This window of time is pretty interesting. Technically, Artur is now our son, but he is not living with us yet. It’s difficult to “parent” when we don’t have him. In some ways things feel different, and in some ways things are the same as they were before court. Regardless, we have accomplished a major milestone in that court occurred.

The reality that we will soon be a family of five is beginning to settle in (with a young man, I might add). Helen and I were lying in bed a few nights ago discussing how we will best raise Artur, Taylor and Molly. We discussed how much prayer and counsel was put into the decision to adopt Artur, but we have done little preparation for parenting him. It was one of those times that we just sat back and prayed for wisdom and God’s divine intervention. In many ways, we started to feel helpless in this regard.

I believe that is exactly where God wants us. He wants us to feel helpless without Him. In Proverbs, wisdom or knowledge is defined as “the fear of the Lord” (Proverbs 1:7). Fear of the Lord can be described as a humility and reverence towards God. In other words, it’s admitting that we worship a big, big God and that His ways are greater and better than our own ways. But how often do we actually surrender our ways to Him?

I say this because I believe we must approach parenting this way. We must surrender our ways, thoughts, and experiences about parenting to His ways. His ways are found in His Word. However, these ways will most likely challenge our ways. Are we willing to admit this and actually trust His Word?

As Taylor’s personality was beginning to develop and he began to first challenge our parental authority, we sought out help on how to best handle these situations. Paul David Tripp’s book Shepherding a Child’s Heart came highly recommend to us. This book was extremely helpful to us. Tripp approaches parenting in what we believe is a Biblical manner. He doesn’t spend time talking about psychology or “best practices” on parenting. He spends time focusing on God’s Word as It is ultimate.

His overall philosophy is getting to the child’s heart, not behavior modification. Most parents, including ourselves, can focus so much on changing our kids’ behavior that we completely lose sight of what matters most – our child’s heart. The heart is the root of our children. If we focus our parenting on our child’s heart, we will see changes in our child’s behavior. But more importantly, this method gives us the opportunity to share the gospel message of repentance, redemption, and reconciliation. We are all called to confess our sins, claim the redemption of Jesus Christ for our forgiveness, then move forward in faith, by God’s spirit, towards holiness.

Now I know this sounds deep and most likely confusing. Can’t we just put them in “time out” every time? Well you can, but I believe you miss this wonderful opportunity to get to the child’s heart and share this wonderful gospel message. Doesn’t this take a lot longer time? Sure it does. I assure you that it is seldom convenient to take the necessary time. But it’s worth it.

I’m not saying that “time out” does not have its place. We all need time to cool off and process our thoughts. What I am saying is that these moments can be wonderful opportunities to connect more with our children and go much deeper than just the punishment.

I said to Helen several nights ago that I strongly felt like our parenting needed a good tune-up, especially with Artur joining the family. She agreed. Now let me tell you a story of God’s provision and care.

On Thanksgiving Day, we celebrated with other Americans and missionaries in Odessa. This time together was truly a blessing for all of us. One of the longer conversations we had was with a missionary couple here in Odessa. They have two younger children. We discussed marriage and then discussed parenting. He mentioned Paul David Tripp and some DVD seminars they watched together. One of those series was on parenting. My eyes lit up. He then offered to let us borrow them.

Helen and I are half way through this series and are feeling encouraged, convicted, and inspired to parent better. Oh, how we have been missing the bigger picture! Our travels and time here in Odessa has been a difficult test for us in regards to parenting. But I believe our “tune up” has come at the perfect time.

So how will Artur take all of this in? Oh it will be a challenge for him and us. Imagine where he has come from. He will have those moments where he’ll want to back to where he came from. But so did the Israelites. “Let’s go back to Egypt…it wasn’t that bad!”

But we will trust God through this and thank Him that His mercies are new each day. He has called us to adopt Artur, and we are overjoyed. And He has promised to not leave or forsake us. We will strive to take the time to explain God’s wonderful message of forgiveness and salvation. We won’t do this perfectly, but God will be gracious to us.

As always, your prayers are cherished, especially right now as it relates to how to best parent Artur, Taylor and Molly. Thank you and Merry Christmas!